Showing UP for Sophia: Love in the Last Lane

Karma is only a bitch if you are.

I thought we were rolling steady, though slow. Until I noticed he always seemed ready to get off the road. One tire in, one tire out? Dangerous, exhilarating, and exhausting. I had to decide if I was ready to ride or die. I wasn’t down for either, until I was.

After he decided to leave me in the dust and drive back to his hometown with our daughter, I picked up my bags and have been crashing on my Mom’s couch since mid-February. When I met him five Februarys ago, he was living with a longtime friend, sleeping on his couch.

Karma is only a bitch if you are.

Showing UP for Sophia: Duets & Debuts

“Wow, he really hurt you, didn’t he?”

I looked at her puzzled, “John?”

“Have you dealt with it? Let it go?”

That was last week. Since then, I’ve dealt with it. But not without a little help from my friends — real and surreal. For days my activities revolved around crying my face off to music, one song in particular, paying close attention to the shit talk that arose as I listened, and breathing through the passages of pain.

I listened and wrote, forgetting facts about Covid-19 and wiping tears and snot from face to sleeve. I lost my appetite, wanting to feed myself answers instead. Why was I hurt? Why was I being led to find the answers in music? Why was I unable to stop listening to the song?

Showing UP for Sophia: Oh April, What a Fool I Was

As a survivor of child abuse and sexual assault, April 1st not only starts month-long awareness campaigns for both causes, but commemorates my three-month sobriety. I share my story to raise awareness that victims and survivors of these types of traumas are more likely to use and abuse alcohol, at times losing their lives and closest relationships.

I started drinking soon after I was raped. I was fifteen and was told booze made you feel good. I didn’t know what that meant.

Showing UP for Sophia: And Like That, She's Gone

I have work to do, but I can’t stop crying. I have to get it out first. I have to be with this. I have to feel it all. Even when my breath tightens, even when my legs can’t stop shaking, even when I have to pause typing for every word to cry. I have to understand why I feel like such a failure. I have to know to go forward. Deep down I already know what it is, I’ve just never named it. Only shamed and blamed it in others.

This is my mid-life crisis. This is where I see all of my shit. Where I face my shadows, the darker parts of myself that I don’t want you to know. So why am I telling you now? Because I’m done hiding.

Victim Mentality: It's for Sale, but are you Buying it?

Let’s talk about… Victim Mentality.

What is it?

Why does it exist?

How can we prevent it?

First off, who am I to write about such a topic? Well, if you know me… or have known me in the last 43 years, you know I know how to play the role “just right”. And if you know me, you just nodded in agreement. Here’s the twist, if you nodded, it’s because you know firsthand, for yourself. Whether you are aware of your own victim mentality or not, I am merely a reflection of you. So… with that being said… let’s face facts.

Scared Straight? A Childhood Confession & Adulthood Question

My mother was a monster.

At least when I was five.

Until I was old enough to understand.

child abuse, resiliency, generational trauma, religionMarcella MaggioNovember 5, 2018It's My Lifechild abuse, sexuality, shameComment

Mom in Me: My Best Friend & Biggest Bully

I wasn’t a good mother. I wanted to be. I tried to be. But I only knew as much as I learned, and what I learned wasn’t good.

My mother screamed, and hit, and hurt everyone in our home. Especially me. I was singled out for being the only girl. Given rules and expectations that didn’t apply to my brothers. Years later, I’d learn why.

The Hell that was Home

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